I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
