He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
