Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
