I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
