thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
