The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
