You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
ttyl tear gas
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
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