looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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