marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
