i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you told grandpa to call you daddy
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
