I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
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