She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
