hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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