I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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