My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
