dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
