38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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