I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
