my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
