I'm pants shitting drunk right now
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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