The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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