Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
