i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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