Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
