hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
ok first of all what the fuck
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
