i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
Randomize
