I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
