I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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