The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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