I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
