Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
