when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
