I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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