i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
