rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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