I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
