And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
