I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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