There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
