1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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