babies were throwing up all over the place
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
