I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
