we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
