Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
