last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
