I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
