i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
