That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Randomize
