He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
