Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
