Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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