erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
